"xXx: The Return of Xander Cage" Review
Just as he did with the “Fast and the Furious” and “Riddick” series, Vin Diesel is back in the business of reviving another franchise. This time it’s “xXx”. He starred in the hit 2002 original, but skipped the ‘05 follow-up - which flat-out bombed. His return may help this threequel rake-in a little cash, but the film itself is an unmitigated disaster.
The title: “xXx: Return of Xander Cage” sums things up: Diesel’s Cage has been in hiding for 15 years, but the CIA tracks him down so he can help them locate a device coined “Pandora’s Box”, which a mysterious evil mastermind is using to turn satellites into missiles, which can take-out targets on Earth.
Samuel L. Jackson reprises his role as xXx Director Gibbons, who, in the opening scene, is having breakfast with real-life “futbol” superstar Neymar, Jr. - hoping to convince him to become a xXx member. On the unnecessary character trading cards that appear on screen, Neymar’s lists: “Thought he was being recruited for The Avengers”. Since Jackson also plays Nick Fury in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, the line is clever but a little too cute.
Gibbons is killed by one of the satellite attacks, which convinces Cage to take-on the mission. And he recruits some fellow-extreme sport agents to join him. Toni Collette, sporting snowy hair and an American accent, grabs the early lead for “#1 phoned-in performance of the year” as the head of CIA operations. Much of her dialogue is truly laugh-out-loud corny.
I guess that’s the supposed “charm” of this movie - it tries to balance action, romance, suspense and wink-wink humor, but fails miserably on all fronts. The stunt scenes are the most disappointing. Some are well-conceived - including a chase involving motorcycles that turn into jet skis. But unlike in Diesel’s “Fast & the Furious” films (which have made the “xXx” franchise totally unnecessary), here director D.J. Caruso (“Disturbia”) does a horrible job staging and filming the action sequences. They look cheap and dated. Being able to pick-out the obvious use of green-screen doesn’t help.
There are good bad guys, bad good guys, good good guys, bad bad guys, and one good late cameo, which sadly, was spoiled on the internet. At one point Jackson’s Gibbons character sums-up the “xXx” program this way: “Kick Some Ass, Get the Girl and look Dope while doing it.” Unfortunately, the movie itself doesn’t come close to delivering on that promise.
